So it's Finals Week. What does that mean? Realities of the eternal will now hit me full on in the face and make me realize I really, really don't care if I fail my Western Civ final tomorrow at noon. Well, okay, I do. Because I don't want to have to re-take that class. And the reaction of my parents would be a party. But it really doesn't matter when these eternal truths are so plain as day.
I have this friend. First time I saw her, I could've sworn I recognized her from somewhere. But I couldn't figure out from where for the life of me. Once she and I started hanging out, she told me that she felt she recognized me too. We started going back through life to try to figure out where we knew each other. Despite the fact that my grandpa was the first bishop of her home ward, that was long before her family moved there. Despite the fact that my mom's side of the family comes from a town fifteen minutes away from where her family lives, it seems they've never met. We researched, talked to our parents.... We spent a lot of effort trying to figure this out. Eventually we came to the conclusion that somehow, by some strange circumstance, we were blessed enough to actually recognize each other from the pre-mortal existence.
I'm serious. Totally and completely.
After that, she and I have had our differences. Some major. Some huge disagreements that seemed to have the possibility of ruining our friendship forever. But here we are, living now in the same house. There are still days when we don't really talk. But we'll always come back. We'll have nights of ridiculousness. We'll have random adventures. We'll stay up until two in the morning just talking, like we did just Friday night. And I would submit that that was in preparation for tonight.
Tonight, within literally two hours of each other, both of us had things happen. Very similar situations. Completely different, yes. But very similar. I won't go in to what those things were, one because it's not my place to divulge into her life and two because I really don't want to get that personal with all of you. Suffice it to say, she came into my room, cried a bit, then went to her own room. A couple hours later, she came back in to update me and realized something was happening on my end so left. After things on my end wrapped up a bit, I went to her room and we just talked. We realized the parallels and we cried. We strengthened each other and we cried some more. We built each other up as sisters in Zion and made promises to our selves, each other, and Heavenly Father. And we cried even more.
Then I realized. Tonight. Right there, sitting on her bed. That was why. That was why we recognized each other from the pre-mortal existence. That was why, despite not talking to each other for four months, despite not really being friends for an entire year, we were able to forgive and forget. That was why we were friends in the pre-mortal existences and promised we'd find one another. Tonight. That was why.
Yes, there may be more reasons to come. But that was one of those almost surreal moments in life where you realize so much of your past, present, and future hinged on that single moment. There are many of those throughout life and it's always amazing when you're able to recognize them in that moment. This was one of the things she and I were promised by our dearest Heavenly Father himself. This moment. This sisterhood.
And how, really, can an exam matter now?
12/12/11
12/10/11
"Take an umbrella, it's raining."
So this semester I took a Directing class. The big project of the class was to direct a scene and then have it performed for the class. I had directed a one-act my senior year of high school and had so much fun doing it so I was rather excited to do it again with more experience. This time I directed about a ten-minute scene from a play that I was in in high school: "The Curious Savage".
For this scene I had six actors, all good friends of mine. We performed it in my cozy living room. And? I thought it went extremely well. I was very pleased. And whatever grade I'm given on it will not change my opinion of how well it went.
In fact, afterwards, I was chatting with a friend who was in the Directing class and, therefore, saw the scene. He films all of the productions at school and films a lot of the performances done in classes, including these. He was talking to me about how much he loved the space I used for the scene and mentioned it would be fun to film the entire play there.
"Yeah," I thought, "that would be fun. ...Yeah... Oh, my goodness... YEAH!"
Suddenly I have a fun side project for next semester. I've talked to all six of my actors from the scene yesterday to see if they would want to be a part of it, they've all said yes. I've talked to a couple other actors for other characters in the show and, so far, everyone's said yes. I'm thinking it'll be like a movie or television show schedule where we take a couple Saturdays here and there, rehearse a scene over and over and then film it all in one day.
Basically, I'm insanely excited for this. This show holds a dear place in my heart and I love that I'm getting to work with it again... and that I'm getting to continue to direct. And to direct people I love. And, basically, it's going to be all around amazing. And I'm excited. YYYAAAYYY.
For this scene I had six actors, all good friends of mine. We performed it in my cozy living room. And? I thought it went extremely well. I was very pleased. And whatever grade I'm given on it will not change my opinion of how well it went.
In fact, afterwards, I was chatting with a friend who was in the Directing class and, therefore, saw the scene. He films all of the productions at school and films a lot of the performances done in classes, including these. He was talking to me about how much he loved the space I used for the scene and mentioned it would be fun to film the entire play there.
"Yeah," I thought, "that would be fun. ...Yeah... Oh, my goodness... YEAH!"
Suddenly I have a fun side project for next semester. I've talked to all six of my actors from the scene yesterday to see if they would want to be a part of it, they've all said yes. I've talked to a couple other actors for other characters in the show and, so far, everyone's said yes. I'm thinking it'll be like a movie or television show schedule where we take a couple Saturdays here and there, rehearse a scene over and over and then film it all in one day.
Basically, I'm insanely excited for this. This show holds a dear place in my heart and I love that I'm getting to work with it again... and that I'm getting to continue to direct. And to direct people I love. And, basically, it's going to be all around amazing. And I'm excited. YYYAAAYYY.
12/4/11
Happy Anniversary, Haphazard Scarves!
Today, December 4th, 2011, marks one year since I created this blog. (A rather convenient anniversary, actually. I'll never forget it because it's also my mom's birthday. :) ) w00t!
It's been a crazy year. I can honestly say that it has held the best times of my life, though I think the worst times still belongs to 2010... Haha! So that's good.
A lot of changes have happened. Goodness gracious. For the past couple of weeks I've been going back to what my life was like this time last year. o.O I'm so glad I am where I am now and not where I was then.
I'll go more in to this sort of topic for New Year's, of course. I just had to say something about having had this blog for a whole year! Craziness.
Also, on an unrelated note... I have finally reached a particular scene in The Gisola Trilogy. I've been anticipating this scene ever since I knew it was going to happen almost a year ago. It's what really gets the action of the characters and their relationships going and also the action of the plot going. It's rather exciting, actually. I'm no longer introducing the characters and their personalities and relationships. The story is really getting started. And we're full steam ahead, baby!!!
It's been a crazy year. I can honestly say that it has held the best times of my life, though I think the worst times still belongs to 2010... Haha! So that's good.
A lot of changes have happened. Goodness gracious. For the past couple of weeks I've been going back to what my life was like this time last year. o.O I'm so glad I am where I am now and not where I was then.
I'll go more in to this sort of topic for New Year's, of course. I just had to say something about having had this blog for a whole year! Craziness.
Also, on an unrelated note... I have finally reached a particular scene in The Gisola Trilogy. I've been anticipating this scene ever since I knew it was going to happen almost a year ago. It's what really gets the action of the characters and their relationships going and also the action of the plot going. It's rather exciting, actually. I'm no longer introducing the characters and their personalities and relationships. The story is really getting started. And we're full steam ahead, baby!!!
12/1/11
Holy...
Okay, I admit it. I'm not a perfect Mormon. (Let's be honest, though, unless you're a Molly or a Peter, who is?) I've watched a number of rated R movies. For the most part, I'll avoid them, but there are some that warrant watching. (I don't care who you are, The King's Speech is a phenomenal movie. And watching it edited would be simply stupid.)
Going along with the whole James McAvoy obsession, I watched one of his R movies last night. From everything that I had read it about it, it sounded like it was a rather under-appreciated movie and I've always had a thing for under-appreciated movies. (Though... really, most of James McAvoy's movies are under-appreciated...) Plus, it was based on a true story and those are always interesting.
"The Last King of Scotland".
Okay, so here's why it's rated R: there's a sex scene and a half. The movie could've definitely done without those scenes (as all movies with sex scenes could). There were quite a number of bare breasts in traditional African style (though, not like "The Gods Must Be Crazy" bare breasts: these were nice, round healthy looking boobs). That didn't bother me, partially because it takes place in Uganda and partially because... I don't know, boobs don't bother me? :P Oh, and they drop the f-bomb quite a few times. Not as many as, say, "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest" (another phenomenal movie), but still. Also, you get a brief glimpse of James' genitals. Which was completely and totally unnecessary and actually rather ticked me off.
Despite this, however, it definitely needed to be rated R. And I'm glad that they didn't try to tone these other parts down, because it very much would have diminished the power of the movie.
There were two scenes in particular. The first, you see a dead body that has... had gruesome things done to it. The second, a character is tortured. Very realistically. As in, I am beyond curious to know how they pulled that off but at the same time, I don't want to know because I'm afraid it'll ruin the power of the scene for me.
And, brilliant me, I watched it late at night. So I went to sleep absolutely terrified. I would submit that something like this is more terrifying than one of those horror or suspense movies... Because this was based on a true story. This actually happened. There are actually people like this out in the real world. In the words of James McAvoy's character, Nicholas Garrigan (edited slightly for those who don't watch R no matter what):
"You're a child. You have the mind and ego of an angry, spoiled, uneducated child. And that's what makes you so incredibly scary."
I want to watch it again. It was that good. But I'm also scared of watching it again. I probably will watch it again eventually, it'll just... take me a while to bring myself to.
If you have the stomach for it, I would definitely recommend it. "The Last King of Scotland". Just... be prepared.
Going along with the whole James McAvoy obsession, I watched one of his R movies last night. From everything that I had read it about it, it sounded like it was a rather under-appreciated movie and I've always had a thing for under-appreciated movies. (Though... really, most of James McAvoy's movies are under-appreciated...) Plus, it was based on a true story and those are always interesting.
"The Last King of Scotland".
Okay, so here's why it's rated R: there's a sex scene and a half. The movie could've definitely done without those scenes (as all movies with sex scenes could). There were quite a number of bare breasts in traditional African style (though, not like "The Gods Must Be Crazy" bare breasts: these were nice, round healthy looking boobs). That didn't bother me, partially because it takes place in Uganda and partially because... I don't know, boobs don't bother me? :P Oh, and they drop the f-bomb quite a few times. Not as many as, say, "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest" (another phenomenal movie), but still. Also, you get a brief glimpse of James' genitals. Which was completely and totally unnecessary and actually rather ticked me off.
Despite this, however, it definitely needed to be rated R. And I'm glad that they didn't try to tone these other parts down, because it very much would have diminished the power of the movie.
There were two scenes in particular. The first, you see a dead body that has... had gruesome things done to it. The second, a character is tortured. Very realistically. As in, I am beyond curious to know how they pulled that off but at the same time, I don't want to know because I'm afraid it'll ruin the power of the scene for me.
And, brilliant me, I watched it late at night. So I went to sleep absolutely terrified. I would submit that something like this is more terrifying than one of those horror or suspense movies... Because this was based on a true story. This actually happened. There are actually people like this out in the real world. In the words of James McAvoy's character, Nicholas Garrigan (edited slightly for those who don't watch R no matter what):
"You're a child. You have the mind and ego of an angry, spoiled, uneducated child. And that's what makes you so incredibly scary."
I want to watch it again. It was that good. But I'm also scared of watching it again. I probably will watch it again eventually, it'll just... take me a while to bring myself to.
If you have the stomach for it, I would definitely recommend it. "The Last King of Scotland". Just... be prepared.
11/30/11
End of the Semester
Read this poem.
Read it? Okay.
Yeah.... You know that point at the end of the semester when you really just don't care any more? You're done with this crap? Let's move on, take a break, spend a couple weeks at home?
Yeah, that hit me last night.
You know what the worst part about that feeling is? Knowing you still have a kajillion things you need to do. Like thirty hours of workshop. A paper that hasn't even been assigned yet. (I will ~murder~. Are we seriously leaving this so last minute? Murder, I tell you. Murder.) A directing scene. A monologue to memorize. A regular old exam. An oral presentation. A choir concert. A plethora of design projects. Two or three final exams. Oh, yeah, and some time I have to pack for going home. That probably won't happen until finals week, though.
And, you know, I need to fit eating and sleeping in there somewhere.
On the other hand, 17 days until I'm home. I can't believe this semester is already almost over. I swear, didn't it just start a couple weeks ago? What happened??
Guys... It's almost 2012. WHAT IN THE WORLD.
Read it? Okay.
Yeah.... You know that point at the end of the semester when you really just don't care any more? You're done with this crap? Let's move on, take a break, spend a couple weeks at home?
Yeah, that hit me last night.
You know what the worst part about that feeling is? Knowing you still have a kajillion things you need to do. Like thirty hours of workshop. A paper that hasn't even been assigned yet. (I will ~murder~. Are we seriously leaving this so last minute? Murder, I tell you. Murder.) A directing scene. A monologue to memorize. A regular old exam. An oral presentation. A choir concert. A plethora of design projects. Two or three final exams. Oh, yeah, and some time I have to pack for going home. That probably won't happen until finals week, though.
And, you know, I need to fit eating and sleeping in there somewhere.
On the other hand, 17 days until I'm home. I can't believe this semester is already almost over. I swear, didn't it just start a couple weeks ago? What happened??
Guys... It's almost 2012. WHAT IN THE WORLD.
11/24/11
Unrequited Love
I'd like to share a couple things I have written with you here. Usually I don't do that on this blog, I save that for my blog, Waiting Tables, but I'm making an exception in this case. Firstly, because it's a twofer, secondly, because I have a point (I think) that I want to make.
First was something I wrote this summer after re-reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows in preparation for the final movie. It's not really a creative piece at all, it was just me venting.
Second is the closest thing to "unrequited love" that I have ever put in to my novels. This is from The Gisola Trilogy, the third book: Skotad. So there may be quite a few things that are unexplained that will have been in the previous two novels. I think, however, that it won't particularly matter for this scene.
Now what brought all this on? As my previous post suggests... I've fallen in love with James McAvoy. No, no, no, I'm not mourning the fact that he's unattainable (and is married and has a son). I'm just saying that I've been looking through the movies that he's been in that I could and would like to watch. I realized that he's in Becoming Jane, a movie I've always avoided on principle. I'm not entirely sure what that principle was (possibly defiling Jane Austen? I don't even like Jane Austen!) ... (or maybe just the fact I'm not a big fan of Anne Hathaway... amusing sidenote: I have a thing against her and, yet, she is the actress most people say I look exactly like) ... But whatever that principle was, it was thrown out the door at the promise of James McAvoy.
I hate that movie. Oh, my gosh, it's really good. I don't care about any of the Anne Hathaway parts, but James was amazing (as usual) and I was highly amused to see all the Pride & Prejudice bits of the story (especially after, you know, living and breathing that story for the past month and a half...). But I hated that movie.
Why?
Because here I am, sitting on my cousin's bed that I'm using while visiting for Thanksgiving, trying to be silent as I'm crying my eyeballs out because that was an AWFUL ending. I mean, yes, I knew she couldn't get married, because Jane Austen never married, and I would've been extremely angry if they had changed it so she did marry, but that was AWFUL. AWFUL AWFUL AWFUL.
I just don't understand how you can do that. Live with that every day. Your heart broken. For some reason or another, you cannot be with the one you love. Maybe, like Severus, the one you love loves someone else. Maybe, like Jane, the one you love loves you just as much, but circumstances prevent your marriage, no matter how hard you try. I don't understand how you could live like that.
Sure, Severus found teaching. Jane found writing. There are things in life other than love, but isn't love the spice of life? Once you taste it, once you find it and realize that, yes, you are a whole person without him, but with him you can be so much more, how can you ever go back? Unless you no longer see him in that sort of light, if his greatness dims in your eyes, how can you not be in pain every day? If you continue to love him as deeply as ever, how can you not ache every time you see a happy couple? Every time you think of his voice, his face, his touch?
How?
I would like to amend my statement in the first thing I shared. "It’s all romantic and tragic. It’s beautiful and I hate it." It really does make a beautiful story. Severus's story makes me cry every time. But I hate it.
EDIT: Okay, here's another unrequited love story that I just absolutely love/hate. The Tenth Doctor and Rose Tyler from "Doctor Who". I mean, yes, Rose gets Doctor 10.2, but we all know it's not the same and just imagine our Doctor's hearts shattering inside his chest when Rose kisses Doctor 10.2. It's that same feeling that we all had when our Doctor said "I don't want to go" but doubled. No wonder the Tenth Doctor got all mopey after that (plus the whole situation with Donna) before regenerating to Eleven. Because he knew Rose was happy with Doctor 10.2 while he's still all alone.
First was something I wrote this summer after re-reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows in preparation for the final movie. It's not really a creative piece at all, it was just me venting.
I read the books, I see the movies. It’s all romantic and tragic. It’s beautiful and I love it. But I don’t understand it.
Let’s take Severus Snape, for example. He’s tragically in love with Lily who ends up married to Snape’s rival: James. And then she dies. And Harry comes to Hogwarts as a daily reminder of Snape’s lost love.
I just don’t understand how he could survive such pain. Every day being reminded of how she doesn’t love him. Endless torture. I don’t understand how anyone could ever be so strong. How you could ever be happy.
Second is the closest thing to "unrequited love" that I have ever put in to my novels. This is from The Gisola Trilogy, the third book: Skotad. So there may be quite a few things that are unexplained that will have been in the previous two novels. I think, however, that it won't particularly matter for this scene.
“Ionah...”
“Zesima?”
I could barely see him through the tears in my eyes. I couldn’t remember the last time I had felt so young. The hundreds of years that had passed meant nothing, absolutely nothing. I had found him. He was alive.
Ionah let out a shuddering breath and I suddenly realized the toll the several hundred years had taken on him. How small his hand was as he reached up, fingertips brushing my cheek with a frighteningly soft touch. I clutched his hand, biting back a sob.
“I’ve missed you,” I whispered hoarsely. He smiled weakly.
“You’re so beautiful, Zesima.”
And for the first time in years, I actually felt like it. I chuckled.
“I’m old, my love.”
Ionah smiled. “Age has been good--” He broke off, gasping for breath. My heart cried out in pain for him. I let go of his hand, moving to hold his head steady. I ran my fingers through his snow white hair tenderly.
“Shh,” I whispered. “You’re all right.”
His breathing seemed to normalize and I leaned down to press my lips to his forehead.
“I love you, Ionah.”
“I-I love you as-as well, my dear...”
He was shaking. Trembling. My heart jumped to my throat. His lips twitched into a smile.
“I’m-I’m so... happy t-to...”
Another slight gasp and the trembling stopped. Ionah’s pale eyes glazed over, staring blankly into nothingness. Without my consent, a heart wrenching sob burst through and I pulled Ionah’s head into my chest, allowing myself to mourn the man I’d just found again.
Now what brought all this on? As my previous post suggests... I've fallen in love with James McAvoy. No, no, no, I'm not mourning the fact that he's unattainable (and is married and has a son). I'm just saying that I've been looking through the movies that he's been in that I could and would like to watch. I realized that he's in Becoming Jane, a movie I've always avoided on principle. I'm not entirely sure what that principle was (possibly defiling Jane Austen? I don't even like Jane Austen!) ... (or maybe just the fact I'm not a big fan of Anne Hathaway... amusing sidenote: I have a thing against her and, yet, she is the actress most people say I look exactly like) ... But whatever that principle was, it was thrown out the door at the promise of James McAvoy.
I hate that movie. Oh, my gosh, it's really good. I don't care about any of the Anne Hathaway parts, but James was amazing (as usual) and I was highly amused to see all the Pride & Prejudice bits of the story (especially after, you know, living and breathing that story for the past month and a half...). But I hated that movie.
Why?
Because here I am, sitting on my cousin's bed that I'm using while visiting for Thanksgiving, trying to be silent as I'm crying my eyeballs out because that was an AWFUL ending. I mean, yes, I knew she couldn't get married, because Jane Austen never married, and I would've been extremely angry if they had changed it so she did marry, but that was AWFUL. AWFUL AWFUL AWFUL.
I just don't understand how you can do that. Live with that every day. Your heart broken. For some reason or another, you cannot be with the one you love. Maybe, like Severus, the one you love loves someone else. Maybe, like Jane, the one you love loves you just as much, but circumstances prevent your marriage, no matter how hard you try. I don't understand how you could live like that.
Sure, Severus found teaching. Jane found writing. There are things in life other than love, but isn't love the spice of life? Once you taste it, once you find it and realize that, yes, you are a whole person without him, but with him you can be so much more, how can you ever go back? Unless you no longer see him in that sort of light, if his greatness dims in your eyes, how can you not be in pain every day? If you continue to love him as deeply as ever, how can you not ache every time you see a happy couple? Every time you think of his voice, his face, his touch?
How?
I would like to amend my statement in the first thing I shared. "It’s all romantic and tragic. It’s beautiful and I hate it." It really does make a beautiful story. Severus's story makes me cry every time. But I hate it.
EDIT: Okay, here's another unrequited love story that I just absolutely love/hate. The Tenth Doctor and Rose Tyler from "Doctor Who". I mean, yes, Rose gets Doctor 10.2, but we all know it's not the same and just imagine our Doctor's hearts shattering inside his chest when Rose kisses Doctor 10.2. It's that same feeling that we all had when our Doctor said "I don't want to go" but doubled. No wonder the Tenth Doctor got all mopey after that (plus the whole situation with Donna) before regenerating to Eleven. Because he knew Rose was happy with Doctor 10.2 while he's still all alone.
11/21/11
I think I've fallen in love...
So I realized that I still had yet to see X-Men: First Class. Being a colossal Marvel Comics fan, I couldn't let that pass. Besides, I'd heard that it was surprisingly good, so why not?
Holy goodness. That was a good movie. I even started tearing up when Charles realized he couldn't feel his legs. The acting was so incredible at that point... I mean, it was great throughout the entire movie (I feel more and more okay with Jennifer Lawrence as Katniss every day, man), but that exact moment, James McAvoy...
Plus. I decided. James McAvoy is incredibly good looking. So I looked him up on imdb just to see what other movies he's in that I could watch. And then I realized I already knew and loved him. Mr. Tumnus in The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe. I've always thought Mr. Tumnus was yummy. And MAX IN PENELOPE. My favorite filmed kiss EVER. IN THE HISTORY OF EVER. I LOVE HIM.
So suddenly I have a new celebrity crush... And he's jumped up pretty high on the "yummy" list...
Anyway... Sorry, I just had to let that out. Gosh darnit, now I have to rewatch Penelope...
Holy goodness. That was a good movie. I even started tearing up when Charles realized he couldn't feel his legs. The acting was so incredible at that point... I mean, it was great throughout the entire movie (I feel more and more okay with Jennifer Lawrence as Katniss every day, man), but that exact moment, James McAvoy...
Plus. I decided. James McAvoy is incredibly good looking. So I looked him up on imdb just to see what other movies he's in that I could watch. And then I realized I already knew and loved him. Mr. Tumnus in The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe. I've always thought Mr. Tumnus was yummy. And MAX IN PENELOPE. My favorite filmed kiss EVER. IN THE HISTORY OF EVER. I LOVE HIM.
So suddenly I have a new celebrity crush... And he's jumped up pretty high on the "yummy" list...
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| Excuse me as I drool... |
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