It's Okay

I short-circuited this weekend. Friday night, actually. I was completely fine and then I was getting in to bed and I just... seriously, short-circuited is the best way to describe it. Other than rehearsal on Saturday, I basically watched movies, tv shows and fooled around on pinterest all weekend.

But it's okay, you know? Despite the fact that I really should have been memorizing lines and working on a late project, it's okay. Because I'd been running around like a crazy person all week with barely a moment to breath, I think it's okay that I shut down for the weekend. I'll get back into it tomorrow, even if I don't feel like it. I'm rather forced to since there's classes and rehearsal.

I'm getting better with that mentality. The idea that you've done all you can, it's time to take a break now. Wednesday I was working on this project (the one that's now late) and it got to midnight and I said to myself "Self. You've been working all afternoon and night, taking a break only for rehearsal. It doesn't matter that you're not done, you can go to bed now." A year ago I would've felt completely guilty about that. I don't turn things in late! (Well, okay, in high school I did all the time, but I never do in college.) But this semester...

Strangely enough, I'd say I'm more busy than last fall when I was taking 19 credits, plus Institute, plus co-president of the show choir, plus a job.... This semester I'm taking 16.5 credits, plus Institute, plus the play, plus two jobs. Okay, now that I'm looking at that, maybe it's not strange. O.o

But despite this short-circuiting and being totally stressed out and really having to just take things one step at a time, I'm still actually better than I have been all semester. And, to be honest, I think it's partially because I am so busy. Of course, prayers have been answered and things have leveled out in various areas of my life, but being busy really helps me not think and worry too much.

...Though I am still looking forward to taking next semester off. It'll be nice to have a break


Bucket List

So I decided last night to write down my bucket list. I don't think I've got everything down, but it's a work in progress. I thought I'd share.

Yeah, yeah, I'm an artsy freak, this isn't just a simple looking list. DUH.

But allow me, now, to explain each of these items.

*learn how to play the cello
I love the cello. It's a beautiful instrument. And it has such a deep, rich and soulful sound. But this video is the what finally made me say that, before I die, I want to learn how to play.

*run up a wall and flip over someone
I believe this was the first thing that I ever actually said "That's on my bucket list". This is what inspired it, sadly enough: a Burn Notice scene. Michael's being royally beat up and then walks up the side of an ambulance and flips over this bad guy. I had always thought only ninjas and Jedi could walk up walls and flip over.

*attend Carnevale di Venezia
Or, to translate, the Carnival of Venice. I've always said I am going to make it to Venice one day, but really, I would love to go during the carnival. It's like Mardi Gras... but in Venice. Plus, I mean, I want a mask.

*make a meal that looks like this (refer to the picture in the list)
A little over a year ago, I discovered a love for cooking. Which was extremely strange since I'd always hated cooking before that. A couple weeks ago I was flipping through a magazine and saw this picture and promptly declared that, one day, I would make a meal like that.

*attend a cheese tasting
Do I really need to explain this one? (Om nom nom nom...)

I would like to say that none of this is an any particular order. Some of it is probably going to happen sooner rather than later. (I could make a gourmet meal today if it weren't for the lack of money and time!) Also, as I stated at the beginning of this post, there is no way this list is complete. :)

EDIT: Oh, my gosh, see, I knew there were things I was missing. Somehow I forgot the nerdiest thing on my list: attend Comic Con. Like the cheese tasting, I don't think this one needs an explanation... :D


Take Chances! Make Mistakes! Get Messy!

Any 90s child who doesn't know what the title of this post is a reference of seriously needs to re-live their childhood. Because their first one was deeply deprived. I mean, everyone loved Bill Nye and everyone knows what you're talking about when you say "Consider the following" and everyone starts singing the theme song when they see a picture of him, but I feel like there's another person who's put on the sidelines way too much. I've forgotten about her, too, a lot but... Oh, I love her.

That's right. Ms. Frizzle.

Remember how I said I realized I need to be a teacher? This morning I realized I want to be Ms. Frizzle. And I could totally do it! I'm going to do it! I'm crazy enough to be the Friz! I've come to so many realizations in the past twenty-four hours of how perfect the idea of me becoming a teacher is. How it just makes sense.

So when people ask me what I want to do when I graduate, I'm going to answer "I'm going to take chances! Make mistakes! Get messy!" WHOO-HOO!!!


Needed: Straight Jacket

The last two days have been... Interesting, to say the least.

Basically, I've been up for almost thirteen hours right now and, if you look at the time signature of this post, you'll realize that means I've been up since 4:30am. You see, on Saturdays, I have work at one of my jobs (the one at the school cafeteria) from 5-9am. Usually this is fine and I just go right back to bed afterwards. But today was Mountain Days in town, this big whoop-dee-do downtown, and my second job at the cafe downtown needed me at 10am.

And now I'm home. And I really should take a nap but it's 5pm in the freaking evening and I just can't bring myself to lay down and take a nap. It's so bright outside, I have things I could be doing... Not that I'm doing any of them because I'm way too insane right now to be able to do them. So I'm sitting here at my desk, staring at my computer with ridiculously wide eyes, wishing I could cry but not really having the capability to because I'm that tired. I'm too tired to cry. WHAT??

And I'm, like, stabbing these keys. I'm not trying to, it's just happening. I feel like I might have one of those "Meet The Robinsons" moments... "BARIUM EINSTEIN COBALT KOOL-AID". I mean, I've always said that would be me. Out of all those characters, that would be me. But it's always been in a good humored manner, not in an "I'm actually going to legitly need to be sent to a padded room in a few minutes" manner.

Oh, my gosh, I'm never freaking doing this again. Never, you hear me? Never. I swear, this feels worse than the most horrible heartbreak I ever had. I mean, I felt sane then. I legitly feel ~insane~ right now and don't you dare make any comments about how I'm already insane, I was born insane, this is flipping different, you don't even know. I can't describe it. Oh, my gosh, I want to ~do~ something. I would say, I'd go on a run, but I went on a run yesterday because of how weird yesterday was and it was the first time I'd ran since May so my body is already sore from that and then being on my feet for about twelve hours straight on top of that, oh, my gosh, someone knock me out, send me to a padded room, something.

And, then, my muse has decided to get busy in the past couple of days, but for the wrong series. I've got The Gisola Trilogy, right? And then I've got this unnamed scifi series that is very... un-sketched out right now. I decided I'd finish The Gisola Trilogy and then do a scifi series since scifi is my favorite genre, I just have always had trouble coming up with something original. Then this summer, I came up with a basic idea. And, these past couple of days, my characters and their relationships have suddenly decided to happen. And they're beautiful. In The Gisola Trilogy, the main couple meets, hates each other, becomes friends, falls in love, right? Early twenties characters. In the scifi series, we meet the main couple and they're already engaged. After the first couple of chapters, we skip a few years, they're in their early thirties and married. These characters and their relationship are so much more mature and it's so interesting and fun and I love it and I want to work on it, but I don't because I need to do The Gisola Trilogy first... AARRRGGGHHH. My muse sometimes doesn't do what I tell it too. Which is good, sometimes, because it means I get these really creative things, but sometimes it's just dang frustrating.

Dang, I'm going to like pound these keys into my laptop. Poor things. I can't stop the force I'm putting in to them, though, I'm GOING INSANE. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Never again, I tell you. Never. Again. Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever.

So... Yeah, sorry for that huge ramble there, I'm insane. Send me to the nice men in lab coats, I need a straight jacket and padded walls. Like, now.

I think I might watch Meet The Robinsons now. Or write. I don't know. AAAAAAAHHHHHH.

...Sorry. :P


Brave Girls Club

You might notice there is a badge under my "About Me" now. It's for the Brave Girls Club Daily Truths. Subscribe to these daily truths and you get a little message of encouragement every day in your email. They're beautiful. A couple weeks ago, my mom forwarded me a couple of them... The first one she sent is still my favorite.

I've actually printed this one out and have it posted on my bulletin board on my desk so I see it every single day. I've since subscribed to these emails myself and it is truly amazing how nine times out of ten, the daily truth is exactly what I need that day. I really recommend it. Even if you're feeling on top of the world and don't feel like you need any encouragement, let's be honest. You can always use someone on the sidelines cheering you on.


Best Weekend of Every Six Months

General Conference, every time, seems to come exactly when I'm at my lowest, exactly when I need it the most. And this time, there were several other things that happened that just helped pull me back up. I've had more opportunities to be social, I've been reassured by simple words, I've had things to look forward to happening that give me something to look forward to in the near future, I've had angels perform simple miracles.

There were three main things I went in to conference wanting to hear about and all three were talked about so much. One of them was trusting the Lord more fully. And can I just say... The idea of trust was everywhere. And then it all culminated in one big talk of awesomeness by Robert D. Hales. His entire thing was just... Oh, my gosh.

Another one of the things I've been trying to figure out in my life is a direction to take. Specifically, after I graduate. Ever since deciding I was going to be a theatre major (which I actually decided back when I was still just a senior in high school) I've had many various ideas of what to actually do with theatre. Of course, I wanted to be on Broadway. Then I wanted to be a high school drama director. Then I wanted to be a television actress and I actually got really, really excited about that one. I had a clear cut plan and everything. And then Heavenly Father threw something in my life that made me realize... Nah, I don't really care so much about that. So then I wanted to go to Disney and work as a character there. Work my way up to being a Disney Princess. I'm totally serious here, okay?? Also got really excited about that one and had a clear cut plan and everything. Guess what happened!

Heavenly Father threw something in to my life that made me realize I didn't really care so much about that. Ever since then I've been flailing, not being able to think of anything that excites me. And then, starting with the Relief Society Broadcast and continuing throughout the entirety of General Conference, coming to a final nail in the coffin with Matthew O. Richardson's talk... I realized what I need to do. I need to be a teacher. A high school drama director. Or maybe even younger kids. Not middle school, that I couldn't do, but if I could find an elementary school with a drama program or one that wanted a drama program...

This isn't to say that I'm quite "excited" about the idea, but I like the idea. And I kept getting the impression over and over and over again so I know it's the right direction. I even have written down at one point "I need to be a teacher" with the underlines and everything. Also, it really works with my Patriarchal Blessing as well. It makes some things in it make more sense.

The other point that I went in to conference with is a bit more personal so I'm not going to share, but I will say that it was addressed and I was extremely comforted. It also had a lot to do with trusting the Lord and the whole "Thy will be done" thing, so... yay things connecting!

Other things that stood out to me:

*Richard G. Scott describing the scriptures as our friends-- definitely going to start memorizing more scriptures now :)
*Barbara Thompson quoting the first scripture I ever memorized: Nephi 15:8 "And I said unto them: Have ye inquired of the Lord?"
*Dieter F. Uchtdorf talking on topics of several devotionals I've given: the paradox of man is nothing yet the worth of souls is great in the sight of God. People look up at the sky and feel small. I've always looked up at the night sky and felt powerful because God made all of it for me.
*Dieter F. Uchtdorf saying what matters is we're doing the best we can.
          I've decided I want to have conversations about logic and such with this man. I feel like his logic and mine would get along really, really well.
*David A. Bednar... Well, to my mother's pure joy, I think I'm going to start doing family history now.
*Carl B. Cook: "It's better to look up."
*Robert D. Hales saying, basically, it takes patience to gain patience. (DANG IT.)
*Matthew O. Richardson saying it's not how far you need to go, it's how far you've come. Take it one step at a time.
*Kazuhiko Yamashita's entire talk. I have a close friend who's a RM, a close friend who is currently a missionary, and a close friend who is currently preparing to leave on his mission. This talk reminded me of how much I love these men and how much respect I have for them and the power they have.
*Everything about President Thomas S. Monson. Highlights:
          "All You Need Is Love."
          "We love you, Bob."
          "I love you. I pray for you."
          His downright adorable grin and comedic pauses and timing. He is hilarious!! And soooo cute. I couldn't get over it.
          Also? There was one point where he said something about being vigilant and my friend and I looked at each other... "CONSTANT VIGILANCE!" ...Yay being nerds...

Basically... General Conference has got me excited about life and what my future holds again. Which is something I've been really needing. I was reminded that I knew what trials I would face and I had faith enough to trust Heavenly Father and Christ's plan. I had faith that I could get through this when I was in the pre-mortal existence. I should be able to still have that faith now. I have a bright future ahead of me. I really do. I can't wait to watch the two talks I fell asleep through (D. Todd Christofferson and L. Tom Perry) as well as the Priesthood session (again with the favorites thing but I was told Jeffrey R. Holland just killed it) in the next few weeks. And I'm determined to keep these things that I've felt and learned this weekend with me through the next six months.

I mean, now, really. Who can resist that grin? I know I can't!


Doctor Who Rant


I knew this was coming. I knew it. I mean, really. The only really good episode (granted, it was the best episode ever) was The Doctor's Wife ever since RTD left and Moffat took over.

I, devoted Doctor Who fan since day one of it starting up again in America with the episode Rose, am done with Doctor Who.

I mean, now, really, Moffat. The Doctor can't get married. Especially to friggin' River Song whom I've hated since day one. Seriously? We even had an episode in the same season where it's made clear that the one and only woman in the Doctor's life is the TARDIS. And then you have him go and get married. To River Song.

Also? It wasn't as bad as season 3, but the Christ allusions where ridiculous.

Once and for all, Moffat, you've lost me. I'm going to go live in Pete's World now, thank you.