12/31/11

Looking Back on 2011, Looking Forward to 2012

Uhm. So. There's less than twenty-four hours left in 2011. That's weird. Wasn't it just a couple weeks ago that it turned 2011?

I'm not really one to make resolutions, really. I mean, I have goals and everything for this year, but they're not "resolutions". I guess I could say something about wanting to jog more, but that's sort of cheating because I'm taking a jogging class this next semester (death). I have plans and everything, but there's a difference, you know?

I'm looking forward to some really geeky movies coming out, as I've already talked about. I'm looking forward to another year of learning and growing. I'm looking forward to meet the people I'll meet and go the places I'll go. I'm looking forward to figuring out what the heck I'll be doing this summer. I'm looking forward to starting my final year of undergrad in the fall. (That concept also freaks the beejuzus out of me. My final year of undergrad. WHAT???) Oh, and my "twin brother" (we adopted each other as twins) is coming home from his mission in October. I'm really excited to see him again. :) And my best friend leaves on his mission just this next month, so that's exciting too.

This past year... Well, I remember at the beginning of last year saying something along the lines of "2011?? BRING IT." ... Yeah, I'm never doing that again. It did. It brought it. It brought it good. I started off the year being a complete idiot, really. You know those mistakes that you make that you know are mistakes when you make them but you delude yourself into thinking you can make it work? Yeah... That was my January. And it kind of messed up the rest of the semester. Luckily I had "Twelve Angry Jurors" going on that semester so I had that to hold on to.

And then this summer... Best. Four Months. Of My Entire. Life. No exaggeration. I'm serious. Everything was right where it needed to be, I was doing what I needed to be doing. Granted, it wasn't butterflies and rainbows 24/7, but the good far, far, far outweighed anything not as good. I had found a rhythm. I had found as close to perfection as I've ever experienced. I didn't feel lost ever, or like I didn't know what I was doing with my life. I had a plan, I had a path. And I was moving right along.

Course, then I went back to school. Things had kind of gotten a little messy right before going back to school so the beginning of the semester was hell. And then General Conference rolled around... And I got answers. I had to remind myself of some of those answers every now and again throughout the rest of the semester, either by going back to General Conference talks or notes that I made, or Priesthood Blessings, or just talking with various trusted individuals (certain friends, family). But if I remembered what I needed to remember, took things one step at a time, and went to rehearsal to act hysterical as Mrs. Bennet, I was fine.

Then I came back home. Where I am now. Got my wisdom teeth taken out. Relaxed. Ta-da.

That was 2011.

So 2012? I'm not going to say "Bring it!" like I did to 2011, but....

Let's see what you can do.

12/22/11

The Wisdom Teeth

Okay, I'm not on painkillers yet because my face is still numb so I'm going to try to get this out now.

I didn't turn into a bawling mess! Yay! I was still terrified and I still teared up a bit because I was terrified, but they put the IV in and the surgeon just starts chatting with me, asking when I'm going back to school and stuff. I remember starting to feel a bit fuzzy and then the next thing I know I'm sitting in a sort of "waiting room" I think with my phone in my hand. I look at my text messages and realize that I've texted my best friend:

"That was the strangest that ive ever expierenced.my moith feels like lead"

I kind of stare at that for a moment and then send him another text, letting him know I honestly don't remember sending that text. We have a short conversation, I'm sort of auto-pilot and I think he was somewhere between amused and concerned. I'll have to talk to him about it later when I'm more in control.

I don't really remember walking out of the oral surgeon's office and to the car. I think I remember sitting in the car. Maybe. And somehow I ended up on the couch. I don't have my big coat on or my boots so I must've taken those off. And I think my sister grabbed my computer for me.

Right now the bottom half of my face is numb. It's a really bizarre feeling. It's hard to swallow. I think I might taste some blood but I can't be sure. Mom's out getting my pain meds right now.


Really, I don't even look that bad right now. Half of my bottom lip is under my control, but the other half simply will not move. It's bizarre. And slightly frustrating too. The worst part? Last night as I was attempting to fall asleep I was coming up with some golden scenes for The Time Menders. I want to write them down now but I just don't have the concentration to do so! Though... I've gotten all of this out... Hm... Maybe I'll give it another go.

EDIT: Apparently I was hiccuping a lot after waking up and Mom was giggling at me. It's a common reaction to the anesthesia. Don't. Remember. A Thing.

12/21/11

Bravery

This will be a short post because I need to wake up really early tomorrow. Which, actually, is the reason for me writing this post.

I have a strange sort of "courage" I have discovered. I don't even get nervous anymore when I go on stage and act ridiculous in front of hundreds of strangers. Even auditions aren't that bad. I get a little bit of butterflies, but I think that helps, really.

Yet I'm getting my wisdom teeth taken out tomorrow and I'm terrified. Not so much about the pain or the aftermath or any of that. But because of the being put under thing. Sedated. Losing that hour to nothingness. I know that happens with sleep in a way, but there's something different about it not being my choice. And it's terrifying. So terrifying that today, at my consultation, I almost started crying a couple of times, I'm almost crying right now, and I'm afraid I'm going to look ridiculous tomorrow when this twenty-year-old woman starts bawling out of terror in the oral surgeon's office.

I've never had surgery before, obviously. I've been to the hospital for myself (aka: not going to see family) once that I can remember and that was only because I had strep and the physician's office wasn't going to be open for the weekend. I've never even had stitches. No braces, no cavities. Nothing. My dad never had to get his wisdom teeth taken out and I was praying that I would inherit those genes.

Heck, this summer when my dentist told me I was going to have to get at least two of my wisdom teeth taken out (turns out I need all four out), I almost started crying right then and there.

Really, I should stop thinking about it. Every one keeps telling me it's not that bad and I'll be fine, and I believe them, but I'm not comforted. I'm still terrified.

I'll let you all know how it goes. Obviously not for a couple days since I'll be drugged up, but once I can, I'll at least drop a word to say I'm fine. Because I will be. I just might, like I said, turn into a bawling mess of terror before they sedate me.

12/20/11

2012 Cinema Excitement

Today a trailer was released. A trailer that made many fanboys and fangirls go nuts. They'd been waiting for it for a long time. Heck, even my dad had a grin on his face after watching it. And since this movie isn't coming out until the 14th of next December... and I already am totally geeking out about several movies coming out before then... I figured I'd just go through what movies I know of that are being released this coming year that I'm excited for. In order of release date...


"The Woman In Black". Okay, maybe I'm just excited because I'm interested to see Daniel Radcliffe without a lightning scar and glasses. But I'm still excited. And totally freaked out, too.


"The Lorax". Danny DeVito. Is the Lorax. With that knowledge alone I'm totally stoked for this movie. Also, judging by how amazing "Horton Hears A Who" was, I'm betting this one will be fun as well.


"The Hunger Games". My excitement cannot be fully expressed in any way, shape, or form. I'm already planning my costume for the huge midnight showing party I'm going to. I'm currently re-reading the trilogy. The only movie that has ever excited me more was HP7.2. And that's just barely.


"Avengers". Oops, I think my fangirl is showing. Holy crap, I'm soooooooo excited for this movie. I'm a huge fan of all of the Marvel movies since "Iron Man" (I went around for months, playing that movie on my iPod and trying to memorize it--judge me if you will) so getting to see them all put together... AHHH.


"Men In Black 3". I'm not sure if I would say "excited" is the right word for this one... But definitely optimistically curious. And definitely now wanting to re-watch the previous movies. But mostly the first one. LOVE.


"Brave". Since Disney gave up on the traditional princesses thing after "Tangled", I'm interested to see what they'll do with this. It could either be awful or it would be wonderful. I'm hoping for wonderful. :)


"The Amazing Spider-Man". I'm excited for this one if only because it's a hundred time more true to the comic books. Gwen instead of MJ. Him making his web-slingers rather than webs coming out of his wrists. And he actually looks like a high schooler!


"The Dark Knight Rises". I mean, obviously this is going to be amazing. Though, I'll admit, I'm still not sure how I feel about Anne Hathaway as Catwoman. It's just weird. But it's Christopher Nolan, so I trust him. :D


And, finally, the trailer that inspired this post: "The Hobbit". Nerd-tastic, man. Nerd-tastic. What more can I say? Oh, I can say this... Holy goodness, dwarves, can I marry your voices?

12/16/11

The Time Menders

I announced it when my fantasy trilogy got titles, so I figured I'd announce my scifi trilogy getting a title.

The Time Menders

None of the individual books have titles yet, but they're also still not anywhere close to being as fleshed out as The Gisola Trilogy is. I'm particularly excited about the title of the scifi trilogy, though, because of all that it implies and all that it references in the books. I would go into extreme detail, but I don't want to spoil anything.

I will say, however, that all three books have sort of standard scifi gimmicks in them: the first book focuses on time travel, the second book focuses on alternate realities/universes, the third book focuses on black holes. Time travel's important in all three, alternate realities/universes are important in the last two, black holes... well, explain everything in a sort.

Anywho, it's all very exciting. YAY!

12/15/11

Kirk's Lineage


I'm going to be an uber-geek here and share something I just realized as I go through a bunch of movies because I'm bored, only have one more final, and don't go home until Saturday.

According to the new "Star Trek" movie, James Tiberius Kirk's parents are... much more than they seem.

His father is Thor, God of Thunder. And is sexy. Who's own father has quite the legacy...
Odin. Who, in his younger years, trained Zorro. Yeah, that's right. You thought Odin was as BA as you could get until you realized he also trained Zorro.
His mother is Emma Swan, savior of the town Storybrooke and daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming (who's real name is JAMES).
Snow and JAMES. JAMES, I tell you, JAMES.
I mean, how can you ignore the coincidence there? That's sort of ridiculous.

Basically, this makes Kirk so much more awesome. He's got quite a legacy behind him.

Also, I'm a nerd.

Also? The first eleven minutes of that movie ("Star Trek", not any of these others) always make me cry. Always. I just can't help but imagining being Kirk's mother. Awful.

12/13/11

Peace! I will stop your mouth.


This summarizes how I feel right now. And I'm pointing to this picture. And where it's from. David Tennant and Catherine Tate in Shakespeare's "Much Ado About Nothing".

Oh. My. Gosh.

There were times I was laughing so hard it was that awkward, annoying sort of scream laughing. David and Catherine were just... just... And, I mean, of course, their chemistry was phenomenal, but we all already knew that thanks to "Doctor Who". I'll always be a 10/Rose shipper, but Donna is my favorite companion. She's the only one who could ever get in to a fight with the Doctor and come out on top. Because it's Catherine Tate. And David Tennant. ANYWAY. I'm not here to talk about "Doctor Who", I'm here to talk about "Much Ado". (Hey, that rhymed...)

"Much Ado" actually has a special place in my heart. As we all know, I'm a theatre major. But how did I get to being a theatre major? I did a couple things in middle school. A one act, two plays. All of them... I mean, I had fun, but I was just doing it... to do something. You know? It wasn't something I really wanted to keep doing forever. (Just a random note: when I'm typing all of this out right now... You know how sometimes after watching a movie or something, there's a character who you feel like you're emulating for a while afterwards? Yeah, it's David Tennant's real Scottish accent narrating what I'm typing in my head. LOVE.) ANYWAY.

Gosh, I'm sorry. I blame David. <3 Anywho. In fact, it was so much something (theatre was, that is) that I didn't want to do forever, that as soon as I got to high school... I didn't do it. All throughout my freshman year and most of my sophomore year. The only reason that didn't continue was because my two best friends were walking to auditions after school for the Spring Play and sort of... dragged me along. So I auditioned. And got a part. I was Margaret in Shakespeare's "Much Ado About Nothing".

From there on out, I stayed on the stage. It was Shakespeare that got me hooked on the stage... I suppose that's one of the reasons why I love him so much now and don't have as much of a problem with his language as some people do.

So then you add David Tennant and Catherine Tate to this all??? OH. MY. GOSH. I mean, I love all Kenneth Branagh Shakespeare, I love David's "Hamlet", I love Sir Patrick's "MacBeth"... But this? AMAZING. And I loved the concept for it, too, it was so interesting. And... Catherine and David's mannerisms... Man. Oh, man. It made me come to the conclusion I want to have a marriage like that relationship. You would never, ever get bored.

12/12/11

Finals Vs. The Eternal

So it's Finals Week. What does that mean? Realities of the eternal will now hit me full on in the face and make me realize I really, really don't care if I fail my Western Civ final tomorrow at noon. Well, okay, I do. Because I don't want to have to re-take that class. And the reaction of my parents would be a party. But it really doesn't matter when these eternal truths are so plain as day.

I have this friend. First time I saw her, I could've sworn I recognized her from somewhere. But I couldn't figure out from where for the life of me. Once she and I started hanging out, she told me that she felt she recognized me too. We started going back through life to try to figure out where we knew each other. Despite the fact that my grandpa was the first bishop of her home ward, that was long before her family moved there. Despite the fact that my mom's side of the family comes from a town fifteen minutes away from where her family lives, it seems they've never met. We researched, talked to our parents.... We spent a lot of effort trying to figure this out. Eventually we came to the conclusion that somehow, by some strange circumstance, we were blessed enough to actually recognize each other from the pre-mortal existence.

I'm serious. Totally and completely.

After that, she and I have had our differences. Some major. Some huge disagreements that seemed to have the possibility of ruining our friendship forever. But here we are, living now in the same house. There are still days when we don't really talk. But we'll always come back. We'll have nights of ridiculousness. We'll have random adventures. We'll stay up until two in the morning just talking, like we did just Friday night. And I would submit that that was in preparation for tonight.

Tonight, within literally two hours of each other, both of us had things happen. Very similar situations. Completely different, yes. But very similar. I won't go in to what those things were, one because it's not my place to divulge into her life and two because I really don't want to get that personal with all of you. Suffice it to say, she came into my room, cried a bit, then went to her own room. A couple hours later, she came back in to update me and realized something was happening on my end so left. After things on my end wrapped up a bit, I went to her room and we just talked. We realized the parallels and we cried. We strengthened each other and we cried some more. We built each other up as sisters in Zion and made promises to our selves, each other, and Heavenly Father. And we cried even more.

Then I realized. Tonight. Right there, sitting on her bed. That was why. That was why we recognized each other from the pre-mortal existence. That was why, despite not talking to each other for four months, despite not really being friends for an entire year, we were able to forgive and forget. That was why we were friends in the pre-mortal existences and promised we'd find one another. Tonight. That was why.

Yes, there may be more reasons to come. But that was one of those almost surreal moments in life where you realize so much of your past, present, and future hinged on that single moment. There are many of those throughout life and it's always amazing when you're able to recognize them in that moment. This was one of the things she and I were promised by our dearest Heavenly Father himself. This moment. This sisterhood.

And how, really, can an exam matter now?

12/10/11

"Take an umbrella, it's raining."

So this semester I took a Directing class. The big project of the class was to direct a scene and then have it performed for the class. I had directed a one-act my senior year of high school and had so much fun doing it so I was rather excited to do it again with more experience. This time I directed about a ten-minute scene from a play that I was in in high school: "The Curious Savage".

For this scene I had six actors, all good friends of mine. We performed it in my cozy living room. And? I thought it went extremely well. I was very pleased. And whatever grade I'm given on it will not change my opinion of how well it went.

In fact, afterwards, I was chatting with a friend who was in the Directing class and, therefore, saw the scene. He films all of the productions at school and films a lot of the performances done in classes, including these. He was talking to me about how much he loved the space I used for the scene and mentioned it would be fun to film the entire play there.

"Yeah," I thought, "that would be fun. ...Yeah... Oh, my goodness... YEAH!"

Suddenly I have a fun side project for next semester. I've talked to all six of my actors from the scene yesterday to see if they would want to be a part of it, they've all said yes. I've talked to a couple other actors for other characters in the show and, so far, everyone's said yes. I'm thinking it'll be like a movie or television show schedule where we take a couple Saturdays here and there, rehearse a scene over and over and then film it all in one day.

Basically, I'm insanely excited for this. This show holds a dear place in my heart and I love that I'm getting to work with it again... and that I'm getting to continue to direct. And to direct people I love. And, basically, it's going to be all around amazing. And I'm excited. YYYAAAYYY.

12/4/11

Happy Anniversary, Haphazard Scarves!

Today, December 4th, 2011, marks one year since I created this blog. (A rather convenient anniversary, actually. I'll never forget it because it's also my mom's birthday. :) ) w00t!

It's been a crazy year. I can honestly say that it has held the best times of my life, though I think the worst times still belongs to 2010... Haha! So that's good.

A lot of changes have happened. Goodness gracious. For the past couple of weeks I've been going back to what my life was like this time last year. o.O I'm so glad I am where I am now and not where I was then.

I'll go more in to this sort of topic for New Year's, of course. I just had to say something about having had this blog for a whole year! Craziness.

Also, on an unrelated note... I have finally reached a particular scene in The Gisola Trilogy. I've been anticipating this scene ever since I knew it was going to happen almost a year ago. It's what really gets the action of the characters and their relationships going and also the action of the plot going. It's rather exciting, actually. I'm no longer introducing the characters and their personalities and relationships. The story is really getting started. And we're full steam ahead, baby!!!

12/1/11

Holy...

Okay, I admit it. I'm not a perfect Mormon. (Let's be honest, though, unless you're a Molly or a Peter, who is?) I've watched a number of rated R movies. For the most part, I'll avoid them, but there are some that warrant watching. (I don't care who you are, The King's Speech is a phenomenal movie. And watching it edited would be simply stupid.)

Going along with the whole James McAvoy obsession, I watched one of his R movies last night. From everything that I had read it about it, it sounded like it was a rather under-appreciated movie and I've always had a thing for under-appreciated movies. (Though... really, most of James McAvoy's movies are under-appreciated...) Plus, it was based on a true story and those are always interesting.

"The Last King of Scotland".

Okay, so here's why it's rated R: there's a sex scene and a half. The movie could've definitely done without those scenes (as all movies with sex scenes could). There were quite a number of bare breasts in traditional African style (though, not like "The Gods Must Be Crazy" bare breasts: these were nice, round healthy looking boobs). That didn't bother me, partially because it takes place in Uganda and partially because... I don't know, boobs don't bother me? :P Oh, and they drop the f-bomb quite a few times. Not as many as, say, "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest" (another phenomenal movie), but still. Also, you get a brief glimpse of James' genitals. Which was completely and totally unnecessary and actually rather ticked me off.

Despite this, however, it definitely needed to be rated R. And I'm glad that they didn't try to tone these other parts down, because it very much would have diminished the power of the movie.

There were two scenes in particular. The first, you see a dead body that has... had gruesome things done to it. The second, a character is tortured. Very realistically. As in, I am beyond curious to know how they pulled that off but at the same time, I don't want to know because I'm afraid it'll ruin the power of the scene for me.

And, brilliant me, I watched it late at night. So I went to sleep absolutely terrified. I would submit that something like this is more terrifying than one of those horror or suspense movies... Because this was based on a true story. This actually happened. There are actually people like this out in the real world. In the words of James McAvoy's character, Nicholas Garrigan (edited slightly for those who don't watch R no matter what):

"You're a child. You have the mind and ego of an angry, spoiled, uneducated child. And that's what makes you so incredibly scary."

I want to watch it again. It was that good. But I'm also scared of watching it again. I probably will watch it again eventually, it'll just... take me a while to bring myself to.

If you have the stomach for it, I would definitely recommend it. "The Last King of Scotland". Just... be prepared.

11/30/11

End of the Semester

Read this poem.

Read it? Okay.

Yeah.... You know that point at the end of the semester when you really just don't care any more? You're done with this crap? Let's move on, take a break, spend a couple weeks at home?

Yeah, that hit me last night.

You know what the worst part about that feeling is? Knowing you still have a kajillion things you need to do. Like thirty hours of workshop. A paper that hasn't even been assigned yet. (I will ~murder~. Are we seriously leaving this so last minute? Murder, I tell you. Murder.) A directing scene. A monologue to memorize. A regular old exam. An oral presentation. A choir concert. A plethora of design projects. Two or three final exams. Oh, yeah, and some time I have to pack for going home. That probably won't happen until finals week, though.

And, you know, I need to fit eating and sleeping in there somewhere.

On the other hand, 17 days until I'm home. I can't believe this semester is already almost over. I swear, didn't it just start a couple weeks ago? What happened??

Guys... It's almost 2012. WHAT IN THE WORLD.

11/24/11

Unrequited Love

I'd like to share a couple things I have written with you here. Usually I don't do that on this blog, I save that for my blog, Waiting Tables, but I'm making an exception in this case. Firstly, because it's a twofer, secondly, because I have a point (I think) that I want to make.

First was something I wrote this summer after re-reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows in preparation for the final movie. It's not really a creative piece at all, it was just me venting.

I read the books, I see the movies. It’s all romantic and tragic. It’s beautiful and I love it. But I don’t understand it.
Let’s take Severus Snape, for example. He’s tragically in love with Lily who ends up married to Snape’s rival: James. And then she dies. And Harry comes to Hogwarts as a daily reminder of Snape’s lost love.
I just don’t understand how he could survive such pain. Every day being reminded of how she doesn’t love him. Endless torture. I don’t understand how anyone could ever be so strong. How you could ever be happy.

Second is the closest thing to "unrequited love" that I have ever put in to my novels. This is from The Gisola Trilogy, the third book: Skotad. So there may be quite a few things that are unexplained that will have been in the previous two novels. I think, however, that it won't particularly matter for this scene.

“Ionah...”
“Zesima?”
I could barely see him through the tears in my eyes. I couldn’t remember the last time I had felt so young. The hundreds of years that had passed meant nothing, absolutely nothing. I had found him. He was alive.
Ionah let out a shuddering breath and I suddenly realized the toll the several hundred years had taken on him. How small his hand was as he reached up, fingertips brushing my cheek with a frighteningly soft touch. I clutched his hand, biting back a sob.
“I’ve missed you,” I whispered hoarsely. He smiled weakly.
“You’re so beautiful, Zesima.”
And for the first time in years, I actually felt like it. I chuckled.
“I’m old, my love.”
Ionah smiled. “Age has been good--” He broke off, gasping for breath. My heart cried out in pain for him. I let go of his hand, moving to hold his head steady. I ran my fingers through his snow white hair tenderly.
“Shh,” I whispered. “You’re all right.”
His breathing seemed to normalize and I leaned down to press my lips to his forehead.
“I love you, Ionah.”
“I-I love you as-as well, my dear...”
He was shaking. Trembling. My heart jumped to my throat. His lips twitched into a smile.
“I’m-I’m so... happy t-to...”
Another slight gasp and the trembling stopped. Ionah’s pale eyes glazed over, staring blankly into nothingness. Without my consent, a heart wrenching sob burst through and I pulled Ionah’s head into my chest, allowing myself to mourn the man I’d just found again.

Now what brought all this on? As my previous post suggests... I've fallen in love with James McAvoy. No, no, no, I'm not mourning the fact that he's unattainable (and is married and has a son). I'm just saying that I've been looking through the movies that he's been in that I could and would like to watch. I realized that he's in Becoming Jane, a movie I've always avoided on principle. I'm not entirely sure what that principle was (possibly defiling Jane Austen? I don't even like Jane Austen!) ... (or maybe just the fact I'm not a big fan of Anne Hathaway... amusing sidenote: I have a thing against her and, yet, she is the actress most people say I look exactly like) ... But whatever that principle was, it was thrown out the door at the promise of James McAvoy.

I hate that movie. Oh, my gosh, it's really good. I don't care about any of the Anne Hathaway parts, but James was amazing (as usual) and I was highly amused to see all the Pride & Prejudice bits of the story (especially after, you know, living and breathing that story for the past month and a half...). But I hated that movie.

Why?

Because here I am, sitting on my cousin's bed that I'm using while visiting for Thanksgiving, trying to be silent as I'm crying my eyeballs out because that was an AWFUL ending. I mean, yes, I knew she couldn't get married, because Jane Austen never married, and I would've been extremely angry if they had changed it so she did marry, but that was AWFUL. AWFUL AWFUL AWFUL.

I just don't understand how you can do that. Live with that every day. Your heart broken. For some reason or another, you cannot be with the one you love. Maybe, like Severus, the one you love loves someone else. Maybe, like Jane, the one you love loves you just as much, but circumstances prevent your marriage, no matter how hard you try. I don't understand how you could live like that.

Sure, Severus found teaching. Jane found writing. There are things in life other than love, but isn't love the spice of life? Once you taste it, once you find it and realize that, yes, you are a whole person without him, but with him you can be so much more, how can you ever go back? Unless you no longer see him in that sort of light, if his greatness dims in your eyes, how can you not be in pain every day? If you continue to love him as deeply as ever, how can you not ache every time you see a happy couple? Every time you think of his voice, his face, his touch?

How?

I would like to amend my statement in the first thing I shared. "It’s all romantic and tragic. It’s beautiful and I hate it." It really does make a beautiful story. Severus's story makes me cry every time. But I hate it.

EDIT: Okay, here's another unrequited love story that I just absolutely love/hate. The Tenth Doctor and Rose Tyler from "Doctor Who". I mean, yes, Rose gets Doctor 10.2, but we all know it's not the same and just imagine our Doctor's hearts shattering inside his chest when Rose kisses Doctor 10.2. It's that same feeling that we all had when our Doctor said "I don't want to go" but doubled. No wonder the Tenth Doctor got all mopey after that (plus the whole situation with Donna) before regenerating to Eleven. Because he knew Rose was happy with Doctor 10.2 while he's still all alone.

11/21/11

I think I've fallen in love...

So I realized that I still had yet to see X-Men: First Class. Being a colossal Marvel Comics fan, I couldn't let that pass. Besides, I'd heard that it was surprisingly good, so why not?

Holy goodness. That was a good movie. I even started tearing up when Charles realized he couldn't feel his legs. The acting was so incredible at that point... I mean, it was great throughout the entire movie (I feel more and more okay with Jennifer Lawrence as Katniss every day, man), but that exact moment, James McAvoy...

Plus. I decided. James McAvoy is incredibly good looking. So I looked him up on imdb just to see what other movies he's in that I could watch. And then I realized I already knew and loved him. Mr. Tumnus in The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe. I've always thought Mr. Tumnus was yummy. And MAX IN PENELOPE. My favorite filmed kiss EVER. IN THE HISTORY OF EVER. I LOVE HIM.

So suddenly I have a new celebrity crush... And he's jumped up pretty high on the "yummy" list...

Excuse me as I drool...
Anyway... Sorry, I just had to let that out. Gosh darnit, now I have to rewatch Penelope...

11/20/11

Twilight *shudders*

This was going to happen one day. It might as well happen today.

Before I start, let me be honest. Back before the fandom became huge, I liked the books. I enjoyed reading Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse. I was fully on Team Jacob. I may or may not have even written a couple of speculative fanfictions before Breaking Dawn came out (and thus completely ruined my like for the series). Stephenie Meyer is a good story-teller.

She is not, however, a good writer.

And, really, the story is lacking. And the characters are severely lacking. And don't even get me started on the movies. (I legitly went to the Eclipse midnight showing dressed as a Jedi. So I could point and laugh. Good times, man. Good times.)

Don't believe me? Check this out: Reasoning With Vampires. I'm still working my way through all of the posts, but I LOVE it. She points out things that are wrong with the grammar, things that just don't make much sense, things that are plain ridiculous, things that are wrong with structure, things that make her want to smack the characters, things that are rather awkward out of context, how Bella is the least observant character in the history of fiction... And it's soooo funny! One of my favorite posts:
*starts giggling incessantly*
Anyway... Also, another thing making fun of Twilight in a hilarious, wonderful way... Ever heard of How It Should Have Ended? If not, you're missing out on some good youtube-age. The comic book movie ones are WONDERFUL. Twilight, however, will always be my favorite.

"Ssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... Don't talk. You're injured." The wonderful people behind these videos just released an extra scene... And I think it makes a very valid point.

Basically... Yeah. Twilight is dumb. And the people who think it's the most wonderful thing in the world need to read Harry Potter. Or The Hunger Games. Or Lord of the Rings. Or The Chronicles of Narnia. Or, the true antidote to Bella Swan's ridiculousness: The Disreputable History of Frankie Landau-Banks. This book makes me feel very gruntled. :) And everyone should read it. Because it is truly amazing.

P&P Picture Dump ++

This post will include: Pride & Prejudice picture dump and thoughts on the show now that it's over.
A budding obsession with Adele.
My one true love.

Be excited. This will be a long post...

One: PICTURE DUMP!!!!

Sometimes I amuse myself. This picture really encompasses the character of Mrs. Bennet. Fully.
Mr. and Mrs. Bennet with amazing lighting.
The expression on my face really, really amuses me.... The best part is, it's not just one of those weird moments where the camera captures something hilarious. Weird facial expressions are Mrs. Bennet's speciality.
Bennet Family Picture. Left to right: Jane, Lizzy, Lydia, Mr., Mrs., Kitty, Mary.
So... You might have noticed that Kitty and Mary are the only two with dark hair in the Bennet family. Explanation: Kitty is the adopted Irish kid. Mary... is the milkman's daughter. This is the milkman.
Mr. Collins! I love this guy. He's creepy.
The milkman and his daughter.
The Lucas Family. Sir, Lady, and Charlotte.
Mrs. Bennet and her dearest friend, Lady Lucas. The town gossips. 
Caroline and Charles Bingley.
The happy Bingley couple. Jane's mainly happy because she has food.
The Wickhams.
Darcy and Elizabeth when they hate each other.
The Darcys when they love each other.
Georgiana and Fitzwilliam Darcy. 
Wickham and Georgiana when they planned on eloping. 
Obviously, Lydia is clueless, Wickham still wants Georgiana and Georgiana is still broken up about it.

So Wickham gets both of his ladies... and Darcy ain't too happy about it.
Basically... This show was epic. I am so grateful to have been a part of it. I loved my role, I loved my fellow cast members, I loved the director, I loved the script (written by the director, actually).... I just loved it. I still think opening night was the best night we had, but that might be because my mommy was there that night. WHICH WAS AWESOME. I still can't get over that.
And, apparently, I was a hit. So hopefully this is a good sign for the rest of my three semesters left here. Let's pray so.

Meanwhile, I've been obsessing over Adele lately. I mean, I've loved her for a long time (my favorite song is "Set Fire To The Rain"), but I'm now obsessing. A new favorite is "Hiding My Heart". Basically, I love the emotion in not only the lyrics, but her voice. I love Taylor Swift because every song is so true and every girl can relate to so many of her songs, but Adele has also got that emotion in her voice. She has some intensely true talent and I really, really respect her. It'll take me a while to get tired of hearing this voice constantly just because it's that good.

So now. My one true love. His name is Orion. I don't ever get to see him during the summer, but a couple weeks ago I got to see him again and I get to see him now almost every night. And it'll be well in to spring before he leaves me again.


Yes. I'm talking about the constellation. Ever since I can remember, I've loved this constellation. I could pick him out before I could pick out either of the Dippers. This love affair with Orion started last winter, when I would walk out of my apartment and the first thing my eyes would fall on would be him. It didn't matter what sort of mood I was in, I'd see my man and I'd sigh and smile: "Oh, Orion. I love you."
Now, I've been thinking. Why do I love him so much? And I've realized it's because he's constant. He's the one constant I have during the school year. Something that will never change. Despite everything else changing and constantly moving, whether for good or bad, he will always be there, standing there in the stars, watching over me. Waiting for me. And I love him for it.

11/15/11

Sometimes...

...All you really need is a good cry on the shower floor. It's a good time to get some good thinking done and make some decisions.

Decision #1: I'm done. I'm done, I'm done, I'm done. I'm putting my foot down and I'm not going to just get a "not-really-an-answer" for an answer. I'm asking questions and I'm not letting go until they're answered. Seriously. Is "yes" or "no" really that hard?

Decision #2: I'm putting more effort in to my everyday appearance again. I'm wearing nicer clothes, wearing nicer jewelry, putting to use the thousands of shoes I have, I might even throw on a little eyeliner again.

Decision #3: I don't care how bad I feel or how little I have to do, I'm not lazing around anymore. If I seriously have no homework or anything to work on, I will work on my novel and force through the writer's block. Or I'll go on a run. Do some crunches. Going along with that...

Decision #4: I'm exercising more. I have no idea how that is going to happen or what I'm going to do, but it needs to happen. Seriously.

Decision #5: I'm getting off facebook earlier than planned. I was going to get off on Sunday for Thanksgiving week. Instead, I'm getting off tonight. I don't know how long I'll be off. But I'll be off through Thanksgiving, that's for sure.

Decision #6: Basically, I'm going to throw myself back in to living life. I was able to pass off living a life while I was having rehearsals every night. Now I don't have that anymore. And I need to do something about it.

11/13/11

Thoughts on Humans of the Male Variety

I've been thinking about the different men and boys in my life lately. I think relationships (of any kind) between females and males are really interesting. So here are some of the "groups", I guess, that I've been thinking about.




     One: awkward past experiences. Well, not necessarily awkward. But ended badly. As in, all communication ceased for several months. And heart was more than broken. It was either shattered or ripped out. Can I just say that it's sort of scary when you actually feel the sensation of something shattering or just missing in your chest? And, then, years later, it's like they forgot they ruined you so completely and they're acting friendly again. But here you are, having moved on a long time ago, but still unable to stop from shuddering when they accidentally brush against you.

     Two: those kids that you absolutely love but don't really know that well. You want to get to know them better and they might turn into really good friends. But until then, anytime this person comes up in conversation you're like "Oh, I love that kid! I need to hang out with him one of these days..." It's always interesting to see where one of these will go. Sometimes you'll get to know them better and they're not quite as wonderful as you thought originally. Sometimes you'll become best friends. Sometimes it becomes more.

     Three: really good guy friends that, I mean, come on, you can't help but think "Hm... potential except for that one thing...". Those "one things" defer between each guy and every girl has different deal breakers. Over the years, the deal breakers change and the same person you thought "Never" about becomes something more. You realize what things really do matter and what things don't really. For example, I've discovered height doesn't really matter too much to me. But I've also discovered how important missions are to me. I will marry a RM. I've also discovered how important family and in-laws are to me. Not necessarily if they like me or not, but how good his family situation is. I need to marry someone who is part of a loving family. Every family has their problems, yes, but I won't marry in to an abusive or other such messed up family. Also, interestingly enough, I've discovered how political views actually do matter. Not to say that I won't marry someone who doesn't share every single political view I have, but when a guy idolizes certain political persons... We're still wonderful friends, but I wouldn't be able to marry him. :P

      Four: Of course, that one guy. This has so many different varieties in it, but it's that one guy, the one who's name just makes you smile, your heart to lurch a little bit, the one who's in your dreams (both night dreams and daydreams). Maybe it's from afar, that one beautiful boy who probably doesn't even know your name. Maybe it's a good friend and you're afraid to do anything about it because you don't want to ruin the friendship so you just sit beside him, watching and hoping. Maybe he's yours and you get to hold his hand that fits so perfectly in yours. Maybe it's a weird, complicated sort of situation, a sort of undefined mush that, at times, really grates on you, but you still can't help but love him. Either way, he's the most handsome and beautiful person in your life.

     Five: the grown men in your life. Bishops, teachers, parents of friends, friends of parents. I have several friends back home who are friends of parents that I just adore. Every time I go home and see them, we give each other punches on the arm and just tease the snot of each other. My top four favorite teachers/professors are all male. My fourth grade teacher, my high school history teacher, one of the English professors here and my theatre professor. I have a profound respect for all of them. Bishops, of course, are amazing. Especially when you're in college, away from home. They adopt you as a daughter, you adopt them as a father. There is no doubt that they love you deeply.

     Six: family. Brothers. Father. Grandfathers. Cousins. Uncles. There's something incredibly amazing about the men in your family. I don't have an older brother, but there are also guys who you've adopted as family and some of those become older brothers. They're there when a guy breaks your heart, waiting with a wooden bat to make the weasel suffer. You look at your younger brother proudly and declare to everyone that he's going to be a heartbreaker. You always hear about the fun, crazy uncles. Why? Because it's true. And, of course, your father. Maybe you don't have a great relationship with your father. But you still love him. You still see a lot of him in every boy you fall for. I remember a couple years ago, my dad was able to come visit me at school for a day and, after he left, I realized that I wanted to marry someone like him so that my children would love their father as much as I love mine.




Being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, there's another wonderfully special thing about the vast majority of the men in my life: the Priesthood. It's such a comfort, such a strengthening thought to realize that I am surrounded by men who hold the power of God. Men who are worthy in the sight of the Lord and who could literally move mountains. I love that, if I need it, I can call a number of men in my contacts list on my phone and ask them for a blessing. What more could a girl ask for?

11/5/11

Tech Week

Welcome, everyone, to Tech Week. Otherwise known as Hell Week.

(Sidenote: Happy Guy Fawkes Day!)

Hell Week starts today with a rehearsal beginning at 9:30am and going until... whenever. I always love and hate this rehearsal. I hate it, obviously, because it's so long and tiring. But I love it because we get free food for lunch, it's the beginning of tech week (which, to be honest, I love), and it seems to be really when the cast really starts coming together as a family. Partially because we're spending sooo much time together.

We're going through some script edits today (our director has actually written this adaption of Pride & Prejudice), then running the whole show, then lunch and then running the whole show again. So far we haven't been able to run the whole show even within three hours (which is why we have edits this morning) so it should be interesting.

After rehearsal I'm holding a rehearsal for my scene for my directing class. First rehearsal! I'm excited to see how my cast reads the script. Tomorrow, after church and another rehearsal for my directing scene, we have our Break The Fast dinner and Testimony Meeting at my director's house. This is one of the main reasons I love my school. A cast fast for the show, followed by dinner and a testimony meeting. The full day rehearsal starts the process of bringing us together as a cast family, but the testimony meeting really brings us spiritually together. Then it's opening week.

We open Friday night. 11/11/11. :D My mom is actually going to be here for opening night! I'm really excited, she hasn't seen me on the stage since high school.

And, just as an interesting tidbit... It's almost noon and we're still going through the edits. This is going to be a very long day.

11/2/11

Halloween and Pride & Prejudice

I love Halloween. It's my favorite holiday. Not the candy, who cares about the candy? What I love is the dressing up. I'm a theatre major, I mean, of course I love dressing up. This year I went, once again, as a character from a fandom that I love, just further proving how much of a geek I am.


Zoe Washburne. From Firefly. For those of you who don't know Firefly, watch it. It's only a season plus a movie. For those of you who understand my geekiness, I've always said I'm Zoe with a dash of Jayne. :D
So Halloween was great. I had a number of friends who dressed up as various Doctor Who characters... There was a 10 and a Rose, an 11 and an Amy, and a "Raggity Doctor" (11 right after regenerating from 10). It was sort of awesome. I also was rather surprised (yet pleased) by how many people recognized my costume. (Especially considering Zoe's black and I'm... not...)

And then Halloween ended. And we all realized. Opening night for Pride & Prejudice is next Friday. So suddenly it hit us: the freak out mode. It always happens. Everyone thinking: "OH NO, WE'RE NEVER GOING TO BE READY!" We always are, of course. But we always panic.
It's interesting on my part. I've got five billion other things taking my attention right now and this is also the largest role I've had on the college stage. I had plenty leading roles on my high school stage, but the college stage is a completely different animal. Completely. And right now? I feel like I would be perfect for the high school stage, but, as a college student, I'm feeling rather mediocre. And it's depressing me. I need a breakthrough. A miracle. Something. And I need it soon.

10/23/11

It's Okay

I short-circuited this weekend. Friday night, actually. I was completely fine and then I was getting in to bed and I just... seriously, short-circuited is the best way to describe it. Other than rehearsal on Saturday, I basically watched movies, tv shows and fooled around on pinterest all weekend.

But it's okay, you know? Despite the fact that I really should have been memorizing lines and working on a late project, it's okay. Because I'd been running around like a crazy person all week with barely a moment to breath, I think it's okay that I shut down for the weekend. I'll get back into it tomorrow, even if I don't feel like it. I'm rather forced to since there's classes and rehearsal.

I'm getting better with that mentality. The idea that you've done all you can, it's time to take a break now. Wednesday I was working on this project (the one that's now late) and it got to midnight and I said to myself "Self. You've been working all afternoon and night, taking a break only for rehearsal. It doesn't matter that you're not done, you can go to bed now." A year ago I would've felt completely guilty about that. I don't turn things in late! (Well, okay, in high school I did all the time, but I never do in college.) But this semester...

Strangely enough, I'd say I'm more busy than last fall when I was taking 19 credits, plus Institute, plus co-president of the show choir, plus a job.... This semester I'm taking 16.5 credits, plus Institute, plus the play, plus two jobs. Okay, now that I'm looking at that, maybe it's not strange. O.o

But despite this short-circuiting and being totally stressed out and really having to just take things one step at a time, I'm still actually better than I have been all semester. And, to be honest, I think it's partially because I am so busy. Of course, prayers have been answered and things have leveled out in various areas of my life, but being busy really helps me not think and worry too much.

...Though I am still looking forward to taking next semester off. It'll be nice to have a break

10/10/11

Bucket List

So I decided last night to write down my bucket list. I don't think I've got everything down, but it's a work in progress. I thought I'd share.


Yeah, yeah, I'm an artsy freak, this isn't just a simple looking list. DUH.

But allow me, now, to explain each of these items.

*learn how to play the cello
I love the cello. It's a beautiful instrument. And it has such a deep, rich and soulful sound. But this video is the what finally made me say that, before I die, I want to learn how to play.

*run up a wall and flip over someone
I believe this was the first thing that I ever actually said "That's on my bucket list". This is what inspired it, sadly enough: a Burn Notice scene. Michael's being royally beat up and then walks up the side of an ambulance and flips over this bad guy. I had always thought only ninjas and Jedi could walk up walls and flip over.



*attend Carnevale di Venezia
Or, to translate, the Carnival of Venice. I've always said I am going to make it to Venice one day, but really, I would love to go during the carnival. It's like Mardi Gras... but in Venice. Plus, I mean, I want a mask.



*make a meal that looks like this (refer to the picture in the list)
A little over a year ago, I discovered a love for cooking. Which was extremely strange since I'd always hated cooking before that. A couple weeks ago I was flipping through a magazine and saw this picture and promptly declared that, one day, I would make a meal like that.

*attend a cheese tasting
Do I really need to explain this one? (Om nom nom nom...)


I would like to say that none of this is an any particular order. Some of it is probably going to happen sooner rather than later. (I could make a gourmet meal today if it weren't for the lack of money and time!) Also, as I stated at the beginning of this post, there is no way this list is complete. :)

EDIT: Oh, my gosh, see, I knew there were things I was missing. Somehow I forgot the nerdiest thing on my list: attend Comic Con. Like the cheese tasting, I don't think this one needs an explanation... :D

10/9/11

Take Chances! Make Mistakes! Get Messy!

Any 90s child who doesn't know what the title of this post is a reference of seriously needs to re-live their childhood. Because their first one was deeply deprived. I mean, everyone loved Bill Nye and everyone knows what you're talking about when you say "Consider the following" and everyone starts singing the theme song when they see a picture of him, but I feel like there's another person who's put on the sidelines way too much. I've forgotten about her, too, a lot but... Oh, I love her.


That's right. Ms. Frizzle.

Remember how I said I realized I need to be a teacher? This morning I realized I want to be Ms. Frizzle. And I could totally do it! I'm going to do it! I'm crazy enough to be the Friz! I've come to so many realizations in the past twenty-four hours of how perfect the idea of me becoming a teacher is. How it just makes sense.

So when people ask me what I want to do when I graduate, I'm going to answer "I'm going to take chances! Make mistakes! Get messy!" WHOO-HOO!!!

10/8/11

Needed: Straight Jacket

The last two days have been... Interesting, to say the least.

Basically, I've been up for almost thirteen hours right now and, if you look at the time signature of this post, you'll realize that means I've been up since 4:30am. You see, on Saturdays, I have work at one of my jobs (the one at the school cafeteria) from 5-9am. Usually this is fine and I just go right back to bed afterwards. But today was Mountain Days in town, this big whoop-dee-do downtown, and my second job at the cafe downtown needed me at 10am.

And now I'm home. And I really should take a nap but it's 5pm in the freaking evening and I just can't bring myself to lay down and take a nap. It's so bright outside, I have things I could be doing... Not that I'm doing any of them because I'm way too insane right now to be able to do them. So I'm sitting here at my desk, staring at my computer with ridiculously wide eyes, wishing I could cry but not really having the capability to because I'm that tired. I'm too tired to cry. WHAT??

And I'm, like, stabbing these keys. I'm not trying to, it's just happening. I feel like I might have one of those "Meet The Robinsons" moments... "BARIUM EINSTEIN COBALT KOOL-AID". I mean, I've always said that would be me. Out of all those characters, that would be me. But it's always been in a good humored manner, not in an "I'm actually going to legitly need to be sent to a padded room in a few minutes" manner.

Oh, my gosh, I'm never freaking doing this again. Never, you hear me? Never. I swear, this feels worse than the most horrible heartbreak I ever had. I mean, I felt sane then. I legitly feel ~insane~ right now and don't you dare make any comments about how I'm already insane, I was born insane, this is flipping different, you don't even know. I can't describe it. Oh, my gosh, I want to ~do~ something. I would say, I'd go on a run, but I went on a run yesterday because of how weird yesterday was and it was the first time I'd ran since May so my body is already sore from that and then being on my feet for about twelve hours straight on top of that, oh, my gosh, someone knock me out, send me to a padded room, something.

And, then, my muse has decided to get busy in the past couple of days, but for the wrong series. I've got The Gisola Trilogy, right? And then I've got this unnamed scifi series that is very... un-sketched out right now. I decided I'd finish The Gisola Trilogy and then do a scifi series since scifi is my favorite genre, I just have always had trouble coming up with something original. Then this summer, I came up with a basic idea. And, these past couple of days, my characters and their relationships have suddenly decided to happen. And they're beautiful. In The Gisola Trilogy, the main couple meets, hates each other, becomes friends, falls in love, right? Early twenties characters. In the scifi series, we meet the main couple and they're already engaged. After the first couple of chapters, we skip a few years, they're in their early thirties and married. These characters and their relationship are so much more mature and it's so interesting and fun and I love it and I want to work on it, but I don't because I need to do The Gisola Trilogy first... AARRRGGGHHH. My muse sometimes doesn't do what I tell it too. Which is good, sometimes, because it means I get these really creative things, but sometimes it's just dang frustrating.

Dang, I'm going to like pound these keys into my laptop. Poor things. I can't stop the force I'm putting in to them, though, I'm GOING INSANE. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Never again, I tell you. Never. Again. Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever.

So... Yeah, sorry for that huge ramble there, I'm insane. Send me to the nice men in lab coats, I need a straight jacket and padded walls. Like, now.

I think I might watch Meet The Robinsons now. Or write. I don't know. AAAAAAAHHHHHH.

...Sorry. :P

10/7/11

Brave Girls Club

You might notice there is a badge under my "About Me" now. It's for the Brave Girls Club Daily Truths. Subscribe to these daily truths and you get a little message of encouragement every day in your email. They're beautiful. A couple weeks ago, my mom forwarded me a couple of them... The first one she sent is still my favorite.


I've actually printed this one out and have it posted on my bulletin board on my desk so I see it every single day. I've since subscribed to these emails myself and it is truly amazing how nine times out of ten, the daily truth is exactly what I need that day. I really recommend it. Even if you're feeling on top of the world and don't feel like you need any encouragement, let's be honest. You can always use someone on the sidelines cheering you on.

10/3/11

Best Weekend of Every Six Months

General Conference, every time, seems to come exactly when I'm at my lowest, exactly when I need it the most. And this time, there were several other things that happened that just helped pull me back up. I've had more opportunities to be social, I've been reassured by simple words, I've had things to look forward to happening that give me something to look forward to in the near future, I've had angels perform simple miracles.

There were three main things I went in to conference wanting to hear about and all three were talked about so much. One of them was trusting the Lord more fully. And can I just say... The idea of trust was everywhere. And then it all culminated in one big talk of awesomeness by Robert D. Hales. His entire thing was just... Oh, my gosh.

Another one of the things I've been trying to figure out in my life is a direction to take. Specifically, after I graduate. Ever since deciding I was going to be a theatre major (which I actually decided back when I was still just a senior in high school) I've had many various ideas of what to actually do with theatre. Of course, I wanted to be on Broadway. Then I wanted to be a high school drama director. Then I wanted to be a television actress and I actually got really, really excited about that one. I had a clear cut plan and everything. And then Heavenly Father threw something in my life that made me realize... Nah, I don't really care so much about that. So then I wanted to go to Disney and work as a character there. Work my way up to being a Disney Princess. I'm totally serious here, okay?? Also got really excited about that one and had a clear cut plan and everything. Guess what happened!

Heavenly Father threw something in to my life that made me realize I didn't really care so much about that. Ever since then I've been flailing, not being able to think of anything that excites me. And then, starting with the Relief Society Broadcast and continuing throughout the entirety of General Conference, coming to a final nail in the coffin with Matthew O. Richardson's talk... I realized what I need to do. I need to be a teacher. A high school drama director. Or maybe even younger kids. Not middle school, that I couldn't do, but if I could find an elementary school with a drama program or one that wanted a drama program...

This isn't to say that I'm quite "excited" about the idea, but I like the idea. And I kept getting the impression over and over and over again so I know it's the right direction. I even have written down at one point "I need to be a teacher" with the underlines and everything. Also, it really works with my Patriarchal Blessing as well. It makes some things in it make more sense.

The other point that I went in to conference with is a bit more personal so I'm not going to share, but I will say that it was addressed and I was extremely comforted. It also had a lot to do with trusting the Lord and the whole "Thy will be done" thing, so... yay things connecting!

Other things that stood out to me:

*Richard G. Scott describing the scriptures as our friends-- definitely going to start memorizing more scriptures now :)
*Barbara Thompson quoting the first scripture I ever memorized: Nephi 15:8 "And I said unto them: Have ye inquired of the Lord?"
*Dieter F. Uchtdorf talking on topics of several devotionals I've given: the paradox of man is nothing yet the worth of souls is great in the sight of God. People look up at the sky and feel small. I've always looked up at the night sky and felt powerful because God made all of it for me.
*Dieter F. Uchtdorf saying what matters is we're doing the best we can.
          I've decided I want to have conversations about logic and such with this man. I feel like his logic and mine would get along really, really well.
*David A. Bednar... Well, to my mother's pure joy, I think I'm going to start doing family history now.
*Carl B. Cook: "It's better to look up."
*Robert D. Hales saying, basically, it takes patience to gain patience. (DANG IT.)
*Matthew O. Richardson saying it's not how far you need to go, it's how far you've come. Take it one step at a time.
*Kazuhiko Yamashita's entire talk. I have a close friend who's a RM, a close friend who is currently a missionary, and a close friend who is currently preparing to leave on his mission. This talk reminded me of how much I love these men and how much respect I have for them and the power they have.
*Everything about President Thomas S. Monson. Highlights:
          "Hello!"
          "All You Need Is Love."
          "We love you, Bob."
          "I love you. I pray for you."
          His downright adorable grin and comedic pauses and timing. He is hilarious!! And soooo cute. I couldn't get over it.
          Also? There was one point where he said something about being vigilant and my friend and I looked at each other... "CONSTANT VIGILANCE!" ...Yay being nerds...

Basically... General Conference has got me excited about life and what my future holds again. Which is something I've been really needing. I was reminded that I knew what trials I would face and I had faith enough to trust Heavenly Father and Christ's plan. I had faith that I could get through this when I was in the pre-mortal existence. I should be able to still have that faith now. I have a bright future ahead of me. I really do. I can't wait to watch the two talks I fell asleep through (D. Todd Christofferson and L. Tom Perry) as well as the Priesthood session (again with the favorites thing but I was told Jeffrey R. Holland just killed it) in the next few weeks. And I'm determined to keep these things that I've felt and learned this weekend with me through the next six months.

I mean, now, really. Who can resist that grin? I know I can't!