This will be a short post because I need to wake up really early tomorrow. Which, actually, is the reason for me writing this post.
I have a strange sort of "courage" I have discovered. I don't even get nervous anymore when I go on stage and act ridiculous in front of hundreds of strangers. Even auditions aren't that bad. I get a little bit of butterflies, but I think that helps, really.
Yet I'm getting my wisdom teeth taken out tomorrow and I'm terrified. Not so much about the pain or the aftermath or any of that. But because of the being put under thing. Sedated. Losing that hour to nothingness. I know that happens with sleep in a way, but there's something different about it not being my choice. And it's terrifying. So terrifying that today, at my consultation, I almost started crying a couple of times, I'm almost crying right now, and I'm afraid I'm going to look ridiculous tomorrow when this twenty-year-old woman starts bawling out of terror in the oral surgeon's office.
I've never had surgery before, obviously. I've been to the hospital for myself (aka: not going to see family) once that I can remember and that was only because I had strep and the physician's office wasn't going to be open for the weekend. I've never even had stitches. No braces, no cavities. Nothing. My dad never had to get his wisdom teeth taken out and I was praying that I would inherit those genes.
Heck, this summer when my dentist told me I was going to have to get at least two of my wisdom teeth taken out (turns out I need all four out), I almost started crying right then and there.
Really, I should stop thinking about it. Every one keeps telling me it's not that bad and I'll be fine, and I believe them, but I'm not comforted. I'm still terrified.
I'll let you all know how it goes. Obviously not for a couple days since I'll be drugged up, but once I can, I'll at least drop a word to say I'm fine. Because I will be. I just might, like I said, turn into a bawling mess of terror before they sedate me.